How in Love are you?
Millions
of teenagers ask the question: "How will I know I'm
in love?" As Dr. David R. Mace, executive director
of the American Association of Marriage Counselors, put
it: "It's always difficult to know for sure - especially
when you're young."
This
quiz was prepared after extensive consultations with experts
who have made wide-scale studies of this wonderful yet mysterious
emotion. It should help a young person make that all-important
decision: "Is it love- or something else?"
Instructions:
Answer
the following questions with Yes or No.
Choose Yes only if you have quite definite feelings about
your answer. If there's some doubt in your mind, check No.
1. Did this thing happen all of a sudden?
2.
Would you be very jealous and upset if someone else made
a serious play for him or her?
3. When you aren't together, do you find yourself mooning
around, unable to do much except sigh over your beau or
belle?
4. Are you more in love when you are together than when
you are by yourself?
5. Do you honestly feel that the boy or girl is just about
the Most Perfect Person in the world?
6. Are you, on the whole, pretty unhappy at home with your
parents?
7. Do you know how your heart-throb feels about money and
children?
8. Do you find that, when it comes to this particular boy
or girl, you are always anxious to appear at your best -
that you are conscience about what you say and how you look
and act?
9. Most people agree that there cannot be real love unless
two persons share common interest. But how about common
miseries? Do both of you have a substantial number of complaints
in common about homes, parents, school and other things
in your life?
10. Suppose your beloved has gone on an extended trip and
written you beautiful and affectionate letters. Would you
show these around in your group?
Scoring
Give yourself ten points for each No answer, zero for each
Yes except in Question 7, where it' ten for Yes and zero
for No.
A
score of:
70 -100 It looks like the real thing
50 - 60 Indicates some uncertainty may exist
0 - 40 The romance may grow into love, but it's not there
yet!
Perhaps
you thought Yes answers revealed true love. Not so! It's
the No reply that counts in each case except for Question
7. Here is why, according to the experts.
1. Real love does not happen all of a sudden. When people
say, "We fell in love the moment we met," they
actually mean that each corresponded to a certain ideal
image held by the other. Most of us create these ideals
in our minds whether we realize it or not. Thus, when we
find someone who looks, acts and talks the way we imagined
this special individual would, we are attracted- but that's
all it is. Love can develop, but it takes time.
2. Jealousy is not a sign of true love. One of the greatest
mistakes young people can make is to believe that the more
violent the jealousy, the stronger the love. Some jealousy
is normal between two people who care deeply about each
other. But jealousy is really possessiveness, not love.
Psychoanalyst Dr. Theodor Reik says that people who suffer
acutely from jealousy often have an underlying sense of
insecurity which leads to an overwhelming need to be loved.
As a result, they can be extremely jealous even though they
may not be in love at all.
3. Mooning, sighing and daydreaming are signs of infatuation,
not love. Here's why: Real love is centered around the other
person, with your whole behavior directed toward his or
her welfare and happiness. Thus, a boy or girl in love can
study and work comfortably, knowing he or she is thereby
contributing to the other's happiness. Infatuation, on the
other hand, is self-centered. The smitten one becomes absorbed
in his own misery at being separated from the adored one
or in daydreaming about her. He is in love with love, not
a human being.
4. Love does not diminish when one is away from the loved
one. If you love a person more when you are with him, chances
are that your judgment is being influenced by the charm
and excitement of his presence. When he is not around to
dazzle you, some doubts emerge as Dr. David R. Mace, executive
director of the American Association of Marriage Counselors,
put it: if you feel this way, indications are the love is
superficial.
5. Love is not really blind to a beloved's faults. The person
in love knows and understands the other's shortcomings but
cares deeply nonetheless. The infatuated person has a tendency
to regard the adored one as flawless.
6. An unhappy home life can trick you into thinking you're
in love. The files of marriage counselors are filled with
cases of younger people who "fell in love" and
married when all they really wanted was to escape from pressures
they considered unbearable. For example, a young girl who
is constantly battling with her parents sees her boy friend
as the rescuing knight in shining armor who will "take
her away from all this." She isn't in love- she just
wants out.
7. Love cannot always perch on Cloud: it must be practical,
too. Two of the most crucial elements in a marriage, experts
point out, are money and children. Young people seriously
in love must know each other's views on these topics. If
a couple hasn't talked them out, chances are the romance
hasn't reached the real love stage.
8. Love does not make lovers ill at ease. Dr. Mace declares
that when the way you are impressing the other person is
the dominant concern in a relationship, real love is still
distant. When you know you are loved for what you are, you
feel at ease in the other's presence.
9. Being companions in misery is not the same as being in
love. Marriage partners should be able to share miseries,
but such sharing is not in itself love. All too frequently,
young people mix up the two and enter into marriage simply
because each has discovered a fellow sufferer with whom
to unite against an unfriendly background.
10.
Love is a private bond between two people. Authorities agree
it can't be real if one party permits intimate details of
a relationship to be made public. It may be a bit of prestige
in the group, but hardly love.
